Hi, my name is Martie and I’m a cuticle picker and nibbler.
Since at least early high school and maybe before, I have been a cuticle picker. This means this is a habit I’ve had for at least 20 years. I have made a few changes that have helped, most notably keeping neodymium magnets on me and using them to keep my hands busy. But these keep getting so dirty (people are curious when i’m playing with them and ask to try them, and then of course they drop them and this means they pick up anything remotely magnetic on the sidewalk, in the street, etc. (I wouldn’t have thought people were so butterfinger-y without this, but people constantly drop my magnets!)
People who are not skin pickers and biters will NOT get this at all, but the truth is, there is something supremely satisfying about getting a “good bit” and being able to pull it out and then nibble it. I have not been able to find anything as uniquely satisfying. Sometimes there’s a special “crunch” that it gives that I haven’t been able to replicate!
Anyway, I am trying to more actively stop picking. I got a manicure for a wedding last month, and when that happened, I wasn’t biting. But now that the polish is growing out, my biting is back to being full on. I have tried twice to take it off, but since I got a gel manicure to try to make it last, it’s still lasting. And part of the reason I’m hesitating to go get it taken off and redone is that i KNOW they’re going to give me shit for the way my fingers look.
The crazy part, for me at least, is that I know these people are trying to help me. I also don’t really care much (OK, at all) about other people’s judgements. But even with these, I do not feel comfortable going in tomorrow to have this polish taken off and starting fresh with a manicure.
I took photos today to show where I am. Let’s take a look! You are either going to be completely grossed out because you can’t understand how anyone could do that to themself, OR you’re going to feel extremely relieved that you’re not the only one dealing with this (You’re not! I promise!).
My choice to go public with this was based in accountability. If y’all know I’m trying to do something, I’m more likely to do it so I can let you know. BUT now that I’m actually writing, I’m feeling more of a need to show fellow pickers that there are more of us out there, and most of us probably want to stop but aren’t doing it.
I want to stop, and I’m trying to do it. (One thing about me is that I don’t believe my self-worth is determined by my success at these ventures. So if I don’t succeed now, I’m not necessarily a failure, I just have to find a way that works for me).