… brought to you by dermatophagia

Hi, my name is Martie and I’m a cuticle picker and nibbler.

Since at least early high school and maybe before, I have been a cuticle picker. This means this is a habit I’ve had for at least 20 years. I have made a few changes that have helped, most notably keeping neodymium magnets on me and using them to keep my hands busy. But these keep getting so dirty (people are curious when i’m playing with them and ask to try them, and then of course they drop them and this means they pick up anything remotely magnetic on the sidewalk, in the street, etc. (I wouldn’t have thought people were so butterfinger-y without this, but people constantly drop my magnets!)

People who are not skin pickers and biters will NOT get this at all, but the truth is, there is something supremely satisfying about getting a “good bit” and being able to pull it out and then nibble it. I have not been able to find anything as uniquely satisfying. Sometimes there’s a special “crunch” that it gives that I haven’t been able to replicate!

Anyway, I am trying to more actively stop picking. I got a manicure for a wedding last month, and when that happened, I wasn’t biting. But now that the polish is growing out, my biting is back to being full on. I have tried twice to take it off, but since I got a gel manicure to try to make it last, it’s still lasting. And part of the reason I’m hesitating to go get it taken off and redone is that i KNOW they’re going to give me shit for the way my fingers look.

The crazy part, for me at least, is that I know these people are trying to help me. I also don’t really care much (OK, at all) about other people’s judgements. But even with these, I do not feel comfortable going in tomorrow to have this polish taken off and starting fresh with a manicure.

I took photos today to show where I am. Let’s take a look! You are either going to be completely grossed out because you can’t understand how anyone could do that to themself, OR you’re going to feel extremely relieved that you’re not the only one dealing with this (You’re not! I promise!).

My choice to go public with this was based in accountability. If y’all know I’m trying to do something, I’m more likely to do it so I can let you know. BUT now that I’m actually writing, I’m feeling more of a need to show fellow pickers that there are more of us out there, and most of us probably want to stop but aren’t doing it.

I want to stop, and I’m trying to do it. (One thing about me is that I don’t believe my self-worth is determined by my success at these ventures. So if I don’t succeed now, I’m not necessarily a failure, I just have to find a way that works for me).

My black and white cookie journey begins.

It is obvious that our country is bananas and that race is a part of this. I’m writing about black and white cookies, or the “unity cookie”, (thanks, Obama) or those cookies to which we should look and all our problems will be solved.

ALSO it turns out there are a million different ways that a post on the black and white cookie could go. They exist in Germany as Amerikaners (see the history of that here and I’ll note that they subtly mention that the have switched to an all vanilla glaze and that seems ridiculous). There are regional variations with different names and icing types (harlequins and half moons?).

OK, so now to Seinfeld:

“Oh look Elaine, the black and white cookie. I love the black and white. Two races of flavor living side by side. It’s a wonderful thing isn’t it? The thing about eating the Black and White cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be solved.

AND THEN…

ELAINE: What’s the matter with you?
JERRY: I don’t know, I don’t feel so good.
ELAINE: What’s wrong?
JERRY: My stomach, I , think it was that cookie.
ELAINE: The black and white?
JERRY: Yeah.
ELAINE: Not getting’ along?
JERRY: I think I got David Duke and Farrakhan down there.
ELAINE: (mocking – in a dopey voice) “Well if we can’t look to the cookie where can we look?”

BUT WAIT! We are missing a very important point here that is not more important than racial harmony, but important nonetheless.

Here it is, again, for you:

The thing about eating the Black and White cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite.

We all believe this man is right, (right?). Then why, I ask, do we continue to create them in a way that makes actually combining the vanilla and chocolate so difficult? How can we possibly unite when we set it up to make that very, very difficult? DO WE SEE ANY PARALLELS HERE PEOPLE?!?!

If we want to get chocolate and vanilla into each bite, together, then why on earth would we use half filled circles as the way to do this? There has to be another way, and I’m going to find it.

Let me first explain that I learned a lot about what doesn’t really work while making and eating the traditionally shaped cookies. I used the this recipe from Smitten Kitchen for the cookie parts, and then sort of combined that with this recipe from Joy of Baking for the icing.

It turns out that frosting black and white cookies is a pain in the ass. It has to be runny enough to cover completely without having empty spots or clumps, but thick enough for it to really cover the cookie. I had no idea it was kind of obnoxious before I made them today.

ANYWAY what’s the point of all of this? (AND HOW DID THIS POST GET SO LONG?????)

We are doing it totally and completely wrong if we want to maximize chocolate vanilla harmony. Below, you can see what I did (note the one with alternating stripes that are not done well — I was trying with this ratio thing). Then, I thought that by making the cookie long and narrow, I’d be able to make it better. Except I didn’t go anywhere near as long and narrow as I would have liked. The third picture was me stretching the second — I had already baked all the cookie bases before realizing this was not the best way, and I will have to try again.

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Also, I have no idea how or why you made it this far, but thanks! I was very entertained by what I found when I searched Google Images for alternative black and white cookies:

Incremental change? OK! Wait, I changed my mind.

I started this out writing about how Obama justifying incremental change makes sense to me.

From WTF with Mark Maron: “Sometimes the task of the government is to make incremental improvements or try to steer the Ocean liner two degrees North or South so that 10 years from now, we’re in a very different place than we were. But, at the moment people may feel like we need a 50-degree turn. We don’t need a two degree turn. You say ‘well, if I turn 50 degrees, the whole ship turns. And you can’t turn 50 degrees.”

Here’s the whole thing.

BUT THEN I started thinking about things that need change immediately and that would be possible without knocking over the ship.

Some ideas:

• campaign finance reform
• treatment not punishment for mental illness and for drugs
• end of solitary confinement (how is this not cruel and unusual?!)
• stop letting banks create money out of nothing (I was VERY surprised to learn that 97% of money in the economy is created by banks!)
• providing people with resources to live and contribute to society (if all of this money is made up by the banks, why can’t we use it to help those of us who are struggling to stay sheltered and eat nutritious foods?

The problem with these is that many of them are created by systems that are underneath and that depend on these in order to continue to exist (and create profits!). The prison-industrial complex is a good example. We can’t just provide treatment and not punishment, because then all the jobs created by prisons would disappear.

Maybe, but that this even needs to exist is an example of why it doesn’t work. If we were able to ensure that everyone could live, we could capitalize on human strengths and potential rather than trying to squeeze everything out of nothing. We know lots of jobs are outsourced and that manufacturing is too expensive here much of the time. Instead of blaming people for not trying hard enough to find work, or not allowing those who are working to actually live, it seems like this is a fantastic opportunity to shift towards a people-focused system rather than a profit-focused system.

We are people! We have gifts! Why can’t we celebrate and harness that?!

This is why I get so frustrated most days.

A GREAT way of looking @ consent!

This is straight from Everyday Feminism, but it seems necessary to put the whole thing here.

What if we treated other types of sexual consent the way we treat sexual consent?!

Why jaywalking is a pretty bad idea…

that's a nasty one!

Usually, I’d leave it at that. You know, that whole “a picture is worth a thousand words” cliché. But no, not this time. That’s because, well, I was hit by a bike, and then something absolutely crazy happened.

I was walking with two friends on a Sunday morning to our weekly breakfast spot (mmm…eggs over!). I have had a thing about walking on diagonals, as the shortest distance is a straight line. So I lead my two friends into the line of danger, across a busy street. They hesitate in the middle, as there was clearly traffic coming. But, for some dumb reason, I think i can make it. WRONG! SMASH! I get knocked off my feet by a bicycle. It turns out there were not one, but two bikers who were affected by my stupidity. So I get up from the ground, a walking mess of tears (some of this is from the account of my dear friends). One of the guys involved was so nice about it; he realized it was an accident and felt bad because I was clearly shaken up (and apologetic about what happened!). The other guy, though, was 100% dick. He started off by yelling “I could sue you for this!” and then proceeded to yell various profanities at me. I did the right thing and apologized, and told him that I realize that it was stupid and my fault, but, through my tears, tried to convey that at least we just had some bruises. It turns out the dick had a small cut on his chin. Everyone knows cuts on your face bleed a lot! So, it looked a lot worse than it actually was. The dick yelled at my friend, who had been fumbling through her purse for a tissue, “You better go get me a !@#$*! tissue!” and kept on yelling at me  (note: she did not go get said tissue, thank you). He tells me his bike is busted (the fork was turned, and it took about 10 seconds to put it back in place). He tells me that I’m a #$@#(*& idiot for the hundredth time (I agree, sir, but c’mon!). And then we try to gather up and get on our way. Or, on the opposite of our way, as we decided to just go back to my house. So we turn the corner off the main road (after crossing diligently at the crosswalk when the white walker was illuminated) and they are still reassuring me that accidents happen. And then suddenly the dick rides up behind us. He gets one foot off his bicycle, and before I know it, he tries to rub his bloody tissue on my face. He said something, maybe along the lines of “Here, I think you deserve this!” Luckily, my reflexes were spot on and I was able to move his hand out of the way.

In short: Don’t jaywalk. If you’re going to do it, be smart!

And if you’re going to get hit by a bike, please don’t let it be this dick!

Dr. Seuss’s genius stolen by the anti-abortionists!

It wasn’t until recently that I actually read (well, was read) Dr. Seuss’s Horton Hears a Who. Now, in case you need a refresher, the book (first it was a book!) is about Horton the elephant, who spends the book trying to save the creatures that live on a speck of dust. The idea that runs throughout the story is “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

Now, as someone who is a firm believer in the dignity of all people, tolerance, and equality, and who, by the way, measures a startling 5’0″, this quote really struck me.

I did some Internet searching and found that Dr. Seuss had a print to go along with this idea (and many other beautiful pieces of art, by the way):

They’ve Proved They Are Persons No Matter How Small

BUT while I was finding all of these gems, I also found something troubling: Lots of anti-abortion groups have taken to using the phrase “A person’s a person no matter how small” to justify their views. Now, I don’t want to get entirely entrenched in the abortion debate, but I do want to point out (however controversially) that there is no clear consensus in the scientific or medical world about when “life” begins or when a person becomes a person.

For the record, Theodor Seuss Geisel (yup, he had a real name) wrote this book in 1954, well before 1973 when abortion was legalized and this became a common issue in American society. But, while we’re on the subject, Geisel and his wife were liberal Democrats who believed in women’s rights. Usually, women’s rights involve a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body, which is a foundation of the pro-choice argument.

But wait, 1954! That sounds familiar. That was the year of the landmark decision Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka, KS, which declared that separate was not equal, at least not in the area of education. It makes sense that a liberal children’s author would incorporate this idea into his work, and here we see it (lots of Dr. Seuss books include commentary on equality and tolerance (many featuring Horton again, and his own website states that “Throughout Seuss’s books, Horton represents loyalty, equality and faithfulness.”), as well as the environment (see: The Lorax) and other important issues).

It is a shame that Seuss’s message of tolerance, celebrating the idea that we should appreciate everyone, despite whatever differences we may all have (at the time, the focus may have been on skin color, though I bet Seuss would support many types of tolerance), has been overshadowed by the pro-lifers.

Let’s take it back! “A person’s a person, no matter how small” should be used once again to remind us to respect everyone, despite our differences!

(With thanks to http://www.prochoicetexas.org/news/headlines/200803191.shtml)

(And finally, I can’t help but take this a little bit too literally and direct you to the idea of heightism.)

Have the Titanic at your next party????

A few weeks ago, I saw an inflatable Titanic at a mall. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I had seen in a while. I was right. But a quick internet search makes me realize that these are a lot more common than you (and I) may have thought. But it gets worse! Some of them even have icebergs:

iceberg! straight ahead!

But it’s a cat! But it’s a person!

My cat henry. looks like the First Lady. Really.

Do I really need to write any commentary?!?

Oh, MTA…

My cousin Warren (thanks for the photo!) sent me this photo, from the 51st and Lex subway stop. There is only one thing that I have to say: How many people’s eyes saw this sign, from its drafting to its printing to its hanging, and just let it go?

fine, fine?

Oh, the homonym. Words that look the same. Oh, the homophone. Words that sound the same. Words that look and sound the same, are they homophononyms? Perhaps they should be.

The reason that I’m talking about these is because I have been thinking about the word “fine” lately. I find it kind of ridiculous that if something is just “fine,” it’s not that great, but if you’re using your “fine” china, you want to be reallllly careful. How does that work? So then I went on to think of different uses of the word “fine:”

Fine print. Fine hair. Fine toothed comb. Pay a fine. She’s lookin’ fine. Fine motor skills. Oh, fine!

Those are only off the top of my head. Where is the link bringing all of these “fine”s together? I’m not sure! I decided to take a look at the OED, which has three noun listings, one adjective listing, and three verb listings for the word. I haven’t even heard of some of these! Apparently, “fine” has something to do with ending, as in “to bring to fine.” This makes sense, because of the whole “final” thing. But that’s not what’s important right now. I guess I’m really hung up on the way that “fine” means really awesome, but it also means just mediocre. Further investigation in the OED says that it can be used ironically. Is this the basis of the so-so “fine” that’s ubiquitous today?

Perhaps that will have to do for now. If you have more information, please enlighten me/us!