Why jaywalking is a pretty bad idea…

that's a nasty one!

Usually, I’d leave it at that. You know, that whole “a picture is worth a thousand words” cliché. But no, not this time. That’s because, well, I was hit by a bike, and then something absolutely crazy happened.

I was walking with two friends on a Sunday morning to our weekly breakfast spot (mmm…eggs over!). I have had a thing about walking on diagonals, as the shortest distance is a straight line. So I lead my two friends into the line of danger, across a busy street. They hesitate in the middle, as there was clearly traffic coming. But, for some dumb reason, I think i can make it. WRONG! SMASH! I get knocked off my feet by a bicycle. It turns out there were not one, but two bikers who were affected by my stupidity. So I get up from the ground, a walking mess of tears (some of this is from the account of my dear friends). One of the guys involved was so nice about it; he realized it was an accident and felt bad because I was clearly shaken up (and apologetic about what happened!). The other guy, though, was 100% dick. He started off by yelling “I could sue you for this!” and then proceeded to yell various profanities at me. I did the right thing and apologized, and told him that I realize that it was stupid and my fault, but, through my tears, tried to convey that at least we just had some bruises. It turns out the dick had a small cut on his chin. Everyone knows cuts on your face bleed a lot! So, it looked a lot worse than it actually was. The dick yelled at my friend, who had been fumbling through her purse for a tissue, “You better go get me a !@#$*! tissue!” and kept on yelling at me  (note: she did not go get said tissue, thank you). He tells me his bike is busted (the fork was turned, and it took about 10 seconds to put it back in place). He tells me that I’m a #$@#(*& idiot for the hundredth time (I agree, sir, but c’mon!). And then we try to gather up and get on our way. Or, on the opposite of our way, as we decided to just go back to my house. So we turn the corner off the main road (after crossing diligently at the crosswalk when the white walker was illuminated) and they are still reassuring me that accidents happen. And then suddenly the dick rides up behind us. He gets one foot off his bicycle, and before I know it, he tries to rub his bloody tissue on my face. He said something, maybe along the lines of “Here, I think you deserve this!” Luckily, my reflexes were spot on and I was able to move his hand out of the way.

In short: Don’t jaywalk. If you’re going to do it, be smart!

And if you’re going to get hit by a bike, please don’t let it be this dick!

Dr. Seuss’s genius stolen by the anti-abortionists!

It wasn’t until recently that I actually read (well, was read) Dr. Seuss’s Horton Hears a Who. Now, in case you need a refresher, the book (first it was a book!) is about Horton the elephant, who spends the book trying to save the creatures that live on a speck of dust. The idea that runs throughout the story is “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

Now, as someone who is a firm believer in the dignity of all people, tolerance, and equality, and who, by the way, measures a startling 5′0″, this quote really struck me.

I did some Internet searching and found that Dr. Seuss had a print to go along with this idea (and many other beautiful pieces of art, by the way):

They’ve Proved They Are Persons No Matter How Small

BUT while I was finding all of these gems, I also found something troubling: Lots of anti-abortion groups have taken to using the phrase “A person’s a person no matter how small” to justify their views. Now, I don’t want to get entirely entrenched in the abortion debate, but I do want to point out (however controversially) that there is no clear consensus in the scientific or medical world about when “life” begins or when a person becomes a person.

For the record, Theodor Seuss Geisel (yup, he had a real name) wrote this book in 1954, well before 1973 when abortion was legalized and this became a common issue in American society. But, while we’re on the subject, Geisel and his wife were liberal Democrats who believed in women’s rights. Usually, women’s rights involve a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body, which is a foundation of the pro-choice argument.

But wait, 1954! That sounds familiar. That was the year of the landmark decision Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka, KS, which declared that separate was not equal, at least not in the area of education. It makes sense that a liberal children’s author would incorporate this idea into his work, and here we see it (lots of Dr. Seuss books include commentary on equality and tolerance (many featuring Horton again, and his own website states that “Throughout Seuss’s books, Horton represents loyalty, equality and faithfulness.”), as well as the environment (see: The Lorax) and other important issues).

It is a shame that Seuss’s message of tolerance, celebrating the idea that we should appreciate everyone, despite whatever differences we may all have (at the time, the focus may have been on skin color, though I bet Seuss would support many types of tolerance), has been overshadowed by the pro-lifers.

Let’s take it back! “A person’s a person, no matter how small” should be used once again to remind us to respect everyone, despite our differences!

(With thanks to http://www.prochoicetexas.org/news/headlines/200803191.shtml)

(And finally, I can’t help but take this a little bit too literally and direct you to the idea of heightism.)

Have the Titanic at your next party????

A few weeks ago, I saw an inflatable Titanic at a mall. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I had seen in a while. I was right. But a quick internet search makes me realize that these are a lot more common than you (and I) may have thought. But it gets worse! Some of them even have icebergs:

iceberg! straight ahead!

But it’s a cat! But it’s a person!

My cat henry. looks like the First Lady. Really.

Do I really need to write any commentary?!?

Oh, MTA…

My cousin Warren (thanks for the photo!) sent me this photo, from the 51st and Lex subway stop. There is only one thing that I have to say: How many people’s eyes saw this sign, from its drafting to its printing to its hanging, and just let it go?

fine, fine?

Oh, the homonym. Words that look the same. Oh, the homophone. Words that sound the same. Words that look and sound the same, are they homophononyms? Perhaps they should be.

The reason that I’m talking about these is because I have been thinking about the word “fine” lately. I find it kind of ridiculous that if something is just “fine,” it’s not that great, but if you’re using your “fine” china, you want to be reallllly careful. How does that work? So then I went on to think of different uses of the word “fine:”

Fine print. Fine hair. Fine toothed comb. Pay a fine. She’s lookin’ fine. Fine motor skills. Oh, fine!

Those are only off the top of my head. Where is the link bringing all of these “fine”s together? I’m not sure! I decided to take a look at the OED, which has three noun listings, one adjective listing, and three verb listings for the word. I haven’t even heard of some of these! Apparently, “fine” has something to do with ending, as in “to bring to fine.” This makes sense, because of the whole “final” thing. But that’s not what’s important right now. I guess I’m really hung up on the way that “fine” means really awesome, but it also means just mediocre. Further investigation in the OED says that it can be used ironically. Is this the basis of the so-so “fine” that’s ubiquitous today?

Perhaps that will have to do for now. If you have more information, please enlighten me/us!

Where’s Carl?!

Tonight’s long-awaited blog post was supposed to feature a(nother) video from “Ellen.” It was going to be a clip of this guy who Ellen nicknamed “Carl” who stood straight as a statue during the dancing part of the show. However, I am not able to find a clip of this! This isn’t like me, but it is kind of late. I wanted to include something, so here is what I find interesting about all this: Carl is so famous that he made it on Wikipedia! In the entry on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” it says:

Ellen has also helped many non-famous people attain their 15 minutes of fame by having them as guests on the show. Guests in this role have included intelligent children, the owner of a small shop called “Mostly Moose and More”, a flea market owner who raps in his commercials, and a male audience member who refused to dance, named Carl by Ellen based on the way he looks, while his real name is Jim. Most recently there has been Lisa Barnum, who attempted to step on Ellen’s coffee table aggravating her back injury; in several later episodes Ellen jokingly blames Lisa for her back injury.

 You can find too many ridiculous things on YouTube (if it wasn’t so late, I would have found something to put as a link there, so link is TBA). What you can’t find is clips from network television shows after enough time has passed for someone-responsible-for-getting-rid-of-copyright-infringements to take it down. Where does that leave people like me who want to share the goodness that is clips like this one? It leaves my audience video-less! The video is funny, but you’ll have to take my word for it for now. Because I know that you are now desperately craving some kind of entertaining video, allow me to present the laughing-at-tearing-paper-baby:

I encourage you to spend more some time watching laughing baby videos. It’s gotta be good for the soul!

Totally awesome balloon man!

This morning I happened across a video (via BoingBoing) of a man making balloon hats in a nursing home. I really like old people in general (when they’re not bitching!), and old people smiling with big, crazy balloon hats is even better! Here is that video:

See why I called him “totally awesome”? Just wait, it gets even better! It turns out the balloon man is named Addi Somkeh, and he travels the world making balloon hats and photographing people wearing them. The photographs are really beautiful. You can see lots of them and even read the stories of some of the people that were photographed on his website, balloonhat.com – I really recommend a visit.

Here’s one of my favorite photos (thanks to Addi):

Maybe I should learn to make balloon things?! Hmm…..

“The Senate is not in Session at this time.”

Thanks to Time Warner and our fabulous cable package, we have access to channel 159. For those of you not in the know, that’s the NYS Legislative Channel. First off, who knew that NYS had a Legislature? (Ha ha politics joke about how local politics are overshadowed by the national scene even though many of our daily activities are more affected by that which happens at the local level.) Anyway, does anyone really think that there really has to be a whole channel devoted to said Legislature? A 24 hour channel? I’d like to see the statistics about how many people tune into this channel. I imagine that it’s not too many. I mean, so few people watch CSPAN, even with all that emphasis on national politics. You may wonder what the NYS Legislature Channel could possibly be showing at any given time. I imagine when the Senate or Assembly is in session, then we can watch the proceedings. I guess that’s a great tool for citizens. However, who in their right mind actually follows that? Why would we really want to tune in, unless something really notable were happening? And, if something notable were happening, couldn’t we just read about it somewhere (remember, the two things you never want to see made are sausages and laws)? Anyway, now that I have you on the edge of your sat about what could possibly be on the NYS Legislature Channel on a snowy Tuesday night, I finally have your answer:

In case you’re wondering, there’s fabulous background music. And it scrolls through a variety of Albany/state government photos. I think I’ve found a new favorite channel (move over, GSN!).

He has been named (without your help)!

grr the formatting is not working how i want!!!! c’mon wordpress!

henry. his name is henry.

yes, with the “.”

and he is damn cute.

especially when he sits in the sink.

(and Lindsay takes good pictures.)